Questions we should be asking
(c) Steven Wright
- Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
- Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
- Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
- If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
- If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
- If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
- If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
- If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
- You know how most packages say "Open here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
- Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
- Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
- Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
- You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
- Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
- If corn oil comes from corn where does baby oil come from?
- How did a fool and his money get together to begin with?
- How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- What is another word for Thesaurus?
- Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
- What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
- Why is abbreviation such a long word?
- Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
- Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
- Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- Where do they get the seeds to grow seedless oranges?
- If your nose runs and your feet smell, are you built upside down?
- Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
- If cops hang out at donut shops, why don't bakers hang out at police stations?
- Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn't is a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do a 'practice'?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
- When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
- If the funeral procession is at night, do people drive with their headlights off?
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
- Why do they call it a TV set if you only get one?
- Where can you buy the key to a lock of your hair?
- Can your eyes be called an school, because there are pupils there?
- Is the crown of your head where jewels are found?
- What crosses the bridge of your nose?
- Can you beat the drum of your ear?
- Can the crook in your elbow be sent to jail?
- How can you sharpen your shoulder blades?
- If you wanted to shingle the roof of your mouth, would you use the nails on your toes?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all drown?
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