Chip's words of wisdom
Ten Answers Men Would Like to Give to Women's Stupid Questions....
- No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex
- The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that f*****g
ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat
- You've got no chance of me calling you.
- No, I won't be gentle
- Of course you have to swallow
- Well yes actually, I do this all the time
- I hate your friends
- I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
- I'd rather watch a porno
- Eat it ??? It took me ten pints to get up the courage to
f*** it.
Ten Things You Never Hear a Woman Say
- Do you think this dress makes me look too slim?
- You take me out too much, can't we just stay in
- A fake one will do
- You look stressed out, let me give you a blowjob
- Have a night out with your mates, you deserve it
- That Pamela Anderson has a lovely body
- My mother is a real old bitch
- No, No, you buy me too much already
- What headache?
- Put your money away, let me buy the round
A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule
- MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
- MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
- MEN 103 PMS- Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
- MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule
- MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
- MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to getting in at 4AM
- MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
- MEN 113 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
Spring Schedule
- MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like an Fool When You're Wrong
- MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
- MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
- MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule
- SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
- SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
- MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
- MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Winter Schedule
- MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
- MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
- MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
- MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise-Especially naked
Spring Schedule
- MEN 220 Omitting @#%~&*! From Your Vocabulary
- MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is Not Necessary
- MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
- MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is Not Considered Foreplay
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