Chip's words of wisdom



Ten Answers Men Would Like to Give to Women's Stupid Questions....


  1. No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex
  2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that f*****g ice-cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat
  3. You've got no chance of me calling you.
  4. No, I won't be gentle
  5. Of course you have to swallow
  6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time
  7. I hate your friends
  8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.
  9. I'd rather watch a porno
  10. Eat it ??? It took me ten pints to get up the courage to f*** it.

Ten Things You Never Hear a Woman Say
  1. Do you think this dress makes me look too slim?
  2. You take me out too much, can't we just stay in
  3. A fake one will do
  4. You look stressed out, let me give you a blowjob
  5. Have a night out with your mates, you deserve it
  6. That Pamela Anderson has a lovely body
  7. My mother is a real old bitch
  8. No, No, you buy me too much already
  9. What headache?
  10. Put your money away, let me buy the round

A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule
  1. MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
  2. MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
  3. MEN 103 PMS- Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
  4. MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule
  1. MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
  2. MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to getting in at 4AM
  3. MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
  4. MEN 113 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
Spring Schedule
  1. MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like an Fool When You're Wrong
  2. MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
  3. MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
  4. MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule
  1. SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
  2. SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
  3. MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
  4. MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Winter Schedule
  1. MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
  2. MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
  3. MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
  4. MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise-Especially naked
Spring Schedule
  1. MEN 220 Omitting @#%~&*! From Your Vocabulary
  2. MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is Not Necessary
  3. MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
  4. MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is Not Considered Foreplay
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